When You Can't Tell Anybody Else, Tell Your Mom

"There's nothing better than your mom advice"

These weeks were the hardest days I've ever had. Well may be for some people my problem was not so bad. But for me, it was new. I've never felt afraid, scared, depressed like this before. And all those feeling came up just because MY 1ST SEMESTER FINAL EXAM

I was kind of surprise, really, found out that I was afraid just because of an exam. I mean, I've been through all kind of exam in my life, but this is the first time ever that I felt so AFRAID. Not to bragging my self, but I NEVER afraid of a test. Even the college entrance test. It was usually cause I knew I can do it, or may be just my over confidence. But REALLY, I never got panic just because of a test.

But now it's so different. I'm afraid, panic, or you can say stress. I often cried just to think how the result could be. I'm desperate. My hair fell a lot and I couldn't stop worried about it. I felt confuse.

May be because this is something NEW. This is the first time for me. In whole of my life I always learn science and it's easy to me. But now I'm in A WHOLE NEW WORLD. Social science is really dynamic, you can't predict it, and it's all about analyzing. I'm not so confidence with my analyze comprehension. I feel like I'm not good in it. I feel I CAN'T do this.

I knew it was wrong. I believe that "you are what you think". But I can not stop thinking that I can't. Everytime I look my friend I always find that I feel insecure and not confidence. It feels like I'm the dumbest of all. But I know it's not true. I can do it. But I'm too afraid to fail. I always think that may be I will disappointing my parents If I fail. I know it's not true. My parents will accept me as their children even if I got a bad score, but I keep worried and felt guilty.

I never told this to everybody. I always pretend like nothings happened. But in silence, I always cry. Because I think there's no need to tell, I'm already know what should I do, but still I can't do it.

My heart felt heavy. Like something deep inside was hurt, and would explode.

So when I went back home yesterday I told my mom what I felt. It was so naturally, my mouth kept pouring out what's been troubled in my mind.

And really to tell your mom is a good decision. My mom said that's OK if I failed, but I should never repeat the same mistake. I should go up and fight back.

May be it's a short advice but it really made my heart lighter.

Love you Mom ;)

Last Day on 2010 : AWESOME :D

My family is HERE. Jyajajajajajajajajajajaja *weird sound?* Owowowowowo..

Aaaaa I'm so happy and tired.. Ahahahaha.

Yesterday we went to Malioboro and Beringharjo Market. Of course we were there for SHOPPING. Yeeeyyy..  We were so excited and didn't realize that we'd walked so far. That's why now I can't feel my leg. Hyahahaha..


Actually my mom wanted to go to Beringharjo to find bawang putih lanang (some kind of onion and it goods for your health, some said it can reduce your cholesterol level). But in the end we bought many things, from just onion to batik, gamis even tablecloth, hwahahahahaha. My mom bought tablecloth with Rama Sinta painting on it. My Dad got an awesome T-Shirt with Andong and Vespa pict on it. I got daster (sleepwear) and a pair of nice bangles :) My two little sisters, Dhila got Batik shirt for her school uniform and Icha got a super cute gamis. We really shopped till dropped (??)

And guess what, I got new printer, TV, and modem! Aaaaaa.. Such good things to seize new year.. Now my room become super complete :D

I'm Going Solo.. Solo..

 seems you can't play "odong-odong" in Solo

I was thinking spontaniously when I decided to go to Solo with my friends. Hahahahahahaha. I was just coming to my room after stayed up in Dinda's kost when they texted me, "Are you going to Solo or not?" Without any preparing at all I decided to follow my friend to take a little "adventure" in Solo. A last minute decision.

Actually, my mom doesn't allow me to travel with motorcycle. But, yesterday I was a rebel girl you never knew. Hwahahaha. Me, the one who love comfort, trying to travel with motorcycle. I was kind of challenge my self to try somethin new. Well, it was still part of my seventeen resolution (since I'm still seventeen right, why not?).

I was kinda nervous actually, because it was my first time traveling with motorcycle and I lied to my mom. I said to her that I went there by train (aaaaaaaaaaaaa, what just did you do S?? i'm very very sooorryy mom..). I felt bad from the start and tadaaaa, suddenly my friend got an accident in the middle of the trip. Thank's God he was alright and we could pass to Solo safely.

my first and last time trip with motorcycle blah!

BUT, SERIOUSLY, traveling with motorcycle was sooooooooooo tiring. It would be my first time and last time though. Hwahahahaha. I must sat in the motorcycle for 2 hours, and it was bad. I felt pain in my feet (pegel-pegel :p) when I got off the motorcycle. In the end I decided to go home alone with train :p

Stupidly, I didn't go to somewhere in Solo. I just played around in my friend's kost. But it was fun actually. Hahahaha. VERY VERY muspro (muspro: meaningless).

Well, it didn't mean that I was REALLY NOT going somewhere, I was seeing Keraton Solo and Klewer Market. But we just passed it. Hahahahaha. But of course we didn't forget to take a picture.

I'll be baaacckkk Solo :)

 

May be I should try to go to Solo alone next time, and get an actual vacation. :p

Oh When The Saints Go Marching In...

Being a marching band player can be so tiring! I learned that at marching band inauguration last Sunday. After a long decision (go-not go-go-not go-GO), I decided to come and finally let my self in to the group.
All I could remember about the inauguration is just the drill. We were making a row, slide, step forward, and last the "march time march end" command. Fffhhh. I couldn't felt my feet for a while. At night I just could put my feet into a bowl of warm water. That was awesome.

I hope I can be a good player. Amin.

Paperwork

I do think a lot about the paperwork. But it seems like my brain have a lack of idea. Huhuhuhuhu.
When will it end?? I gotta hurry before the deadline ;(